Ain't no stinking SXSW.
My name: Dick Hardlee. My friends call me Rich; it is like calling a big guy Tiny because it is ironic. After getting laid off from the Houston Post circa ‘95, I have had a difficult time finding work. I was the Tech Writer before tech writing became so popular. I was spout off wild accusation like “Print is Dead” and that “The Internet will Consumer Everything.” I also thought that AOL was going to be the only source of the internet. I mean those CDs where everywhere, seemed obvious that they had a good strategy.
About 15 years later, 2 divorces and blogging for “Low Income Daddy Blogs” has put me on the map. And is why I have been asked to blog for FakeSXSW.
Each wife hates me more than the previous. Each blog pays me less per word. At some point I will be paying for both blogging and women. Doubt creeps into my head if I made the right career choice. On my best days, I consider being a mommy blogger. On my worst, I think about moving to Mexico to learn Spanish and blog for less money. Like I said, times are rough.
Fortunately, I have no kids (to my knowledge). Most of the women that date me hate themselves far too much to want to bring another Hardlee into this world. They can barely stand me, why on earth would they want to procreate? The closest thing I had to a kid was when I participated in the “Big Brothers” program. The kid, Allan, bailed on the program after one visitation. Allan immense learning in our one session must have been enough to go it alone. I am a great teacher. Allan was lucky to have me.
FakeSXSW is the only thing I have going for me right now. Most have you have never heard of the event. Well, it is a platform for the poor. SXSW is expensive. Some of us have jobs. Not me, but I have heard that some people DO have jobs. I am just a lonely writer. Now, I’m writing for this #fakesxsw blog trying to gain some exposure. I have a feeling that this exposure will be better than the exposure I was incarcerated for last year. I had to pay for that exposure. Man, did I ever.
If not for @Stranahan, @missdestructo, RC Cola and @brucesyams, I would not be here blogging for you today. So Big Ups to them.
A lot of you are asking yourself, “So Dick, I understand #FakeSXSW is a platform for the poor, but what is the ‘jena se qua’ or what is the allure?” To keep it short, FakeSXSW is SXSW minus the doucherie. People that love people more than they love money. Everyone that comes by our event gets all the yams you can eat (thanks to @brucesyams). No one is going hungry at our event. We are desperately trying to line up some drink sponsors but all we can manager so far is Zima. And it is going to be several days before the Zima truck can make it. It is too busy making deliveries to Beaumont, Tx. Zima is huge there.
This is my 3nd day at the event. These past 2 days have been a blur. I have so much to tell. Be very prepared for an honest insiders look into the mayhem. These are the true stories of Dick Hardlee at #FakeSXSW.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
As the second most famous “Dick” at #FakeSXSW, I salute you. We Dicks have to stand tall, proud and rigid as we reject real SXSW. Too cool for school? We’re too awesome for Austin!
There are hundreds of Dicks hanging out at the real event — exposing themselves to leverage and transparently shooting off about community. But it takes a Dick with a different bent to be able to make a splash at #FakeSXSW.
So it’s balls-up, pants-off and ready to inject some real juicy content into an otherwise virginal event. Boxers, briefs, or even commando — if you’ve got a length of less than 140 you’re welcomed snugly and securely.
Spread your goodness across the screen.
Thank u Dick!! I am also unemployed and the dicks at my station are to cheap to give us jocks the chnce of a lifetime to see gr8 bands. F them all. The business of music makes me want to vomit. Yaaaaaaa