@socialphanboy here with another live report from FakeSXSW – the crowds are swarming at this point, eager conference-goers out pressing the flesh, dropping names, swapping jump drives and nursing their hangovers with Bruce’s Yams.

Now, I don’t like to spread gossip unless I’m at least 50% sure it’s true. But I felt obliged to share this story with my loyal readers. I’ll let you decide what to make of it.

This morning as I was tucking into a plate of Bruce’s Moons Over My Yammy, I found something very disturbing poking out of my breakfast: a single, coarse red hair.  As I moved the eggs to the side of the plate, what appeared to be the remnants of a wrist band peeked up at me.  On the laminated fragment: just the letters “keSX”.

I’m ashamed to admit, I pushed my concerns aside and finished my meal.  At $6.99 a pop and on a blogger’s salary, I can’t afford to be picky.  Rest assured, I did not leave a tip!

But now as I sit sweltering in the press room, I can’t help but wonder what happened to the neck beard guy I captured on film yesterday. And where did Carrot Top disappear to after his performance? And why the sudden popularity of Bruce’s Yams?

Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

You can’t make this shit up – my sources tell me that the crew at Zappos are going to set up a tattoo parlor at their booth where they will shave you bald and tattoo the Zappos logo on your head.

Free haircut plus an awesome Zappos tattoo on my head? See you in line!

p.s. In a stroke of cross-marketing genuis, you’ll be able to check in at the Tattoo Zone on foursquare but NOT on Gowalla.

Each year, dozens of thousands of millions of people flock to Austin, Texas for a unique convergence of music, film, beer, interactive media whoozits, BBQ sauce stains, margaritas vomit, sweat and tears.

You aren’t one of them.

But you’re good enough for #fakeSXSW – the virtual get together where you don’t have to leave your home in order to attend. You can host a panel. post your handle or smoke your sandal. It’s all free and and it’s all here and so are you so hello.